The Goodness of Marriage
Introduction
Why get married?
The United States has a marriage crisis. I think most of us have a sense that something is wrong when it comes to marriage. Let alone the record high divorce rates, people are not getting married.
This crisis of marriage is one of the most telling symptoms of our societal problems, and it causes a crisis of family.
1949: Highest marriage rate at 78.8%
2022: Lowest marriage rate at 46.8%
Why get married?
The United States has a marriage crisis. I think most of us have a sense that something is wrong when it comes to marriage. Let alone the record high divorce rates, people are not getting married.
This crisis of marriage is one of the most telling symptoms of our societal problems, and it causes a crisis of family.
1949: Highest marriage rate at 78.8%
2022: Lowest marriage rate at 46.8%
And on top of that people are taking longer and longer to get married: In 2024, the average age for a first marriage was 30.2 years for men and 28.6 for women. The youngest median ages of marriage were in 1956, when it was 22.5 for men and 20.1 for women.
Why this sharp decline? Don’t we have the most progressive view of marriage we’ve ever had as culture? Don’t we have the most freedom to marry whoever we want? I believe the reason we despise marriage is because we do not understand its goodness. God is the one who gave us marriage, and so his teachings about it are what defines it.
For the past 75 years, we have witnessed the emptiness of a perspective that can only explain marriage from nature. If our society is made up of matter and social constructs, then this is what we get. However, we know that marriage is good, not because it’s conducive to human evolution, but because God says it is. So, we must recognize that God deserves our attention because:
God blesses man through marriage.
I have good news for every man in here: Based on what we understand of human genetics, Adam as the first man and our first ancestor, was the ideal human being physically. He had the most pure genes (not talking about Levi’s) of any man ever. And even Adam spent some time with unwanted singleness.
Seriously though, God wants to teach us about marriage by showing us Adam’s life before marriage. He says that it is was not good. Good is one of those words that has a really broad range of meanings. When God says that it is not "good," he is talking about good in the same sense as when we say, "It is good to see you." This is right. This what we need. This is beneficial to us.
The reason it is important we understand how and why marriage is good is because understanding this helps us understand its purpose.
How was marriage better for Adam? Was it because it made him happy? Was it because it made him complete? Was it because he became emotionally or sexually fulfilled? If you had to answer why it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone, what would you say? Here is the Bible's answer in context: I will make him a helper fit for him.
He needs someone that helps him. Not to be the best version of himself. Not to fulfill his dreams or accomplish everything he wants to. To do what God told him to do. To bring God’s order to the whole world by tending the garden and filling the earth with their descendants.
So what would make your marriage, hypothetical or not, a good marriage? If it helps you to be the person God has created and saved you to be and to do the things he has created and saved you to do. This is what we mean when we say, marriage is a blessing. It is good to help us be who God made us to be and to do what God made us to do. Because marriage is a blessing, we should act accordingly:
Anyone who desires the blessing of marriage should pursue it.
Now, notice that this point could apply to anyone who wants this kind of marriage that God has given us regardless of whether they are married right now or not.
To my friends who are married and love their spouses, but do not have a happy marriage in the way they want right now: Because Jesus died on the cross and rose again, even though you may not deserve it, God can help you have a good marriage. One that brings glory to him in personal christlikness, serving God together, and a godly marital relationship.
To my single friends who may want to be married: God has given us longings for marital intimacy. These are good things. For right now, God has given you a special burden. Do not give up. Thrive in the place in which God has placed you. Don’t waste singleness. When we understand why and how marriage is good, there is no shame in desiring a good marriage.
I want to present two points of application from this conclusion we have made. First, to married people:
These kinds of biblical principles are not popular, but that’s not because they’re weird. If the Bible is true, feminism and passive husbands are weird. Disordered and dysfunctional homes are weird. These things are true, good, and beautiful because God made marriage and he made the world.
Romans 12:1–2 tells us: "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
A blessed marriage is not (normally) a white-knuckled, grit your teeth and bare it, kind of enterprise. God gave us deep longings for marriage so that when those desires are fulfilled according to his design, it is all the sweeter.
Now to my friends who are single but want to be married. We live in such a strange and anxious time. I think, in part, we are anxious about marriage because we make too much and too little of it at the same time:
But, friends, if getting married is not just a matter of getting what we want, but of fulfilling God’s design and callings, then marriage is worth pursuing. Prioritize biblical signs of Christian maturity:
To conclude, I want to look at one more passage to understand the nature of marriage: Ephesians 5:31–32 says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
Marriage becomes glorious as we follow God’s Pattern.
The goodness of marriage, as we follow God’s design, points us to the goodness of the union of Christ and the church. Your marriage can be glorious because the husband can be the loving, sacrificial head of the wife like Jesus is for the church. Marriage is not just an earthly, human relationship.
Today is Mother’s Day. Why are homes so dysfunctional? Why are divorce rates through the roof? Why does it seem as though our society is so chaotic? Because people do not understand the goodness of marriage only makes sense as a good gift from a good God.
Conclusion
Loren Krytzer was a former carpenter and struggling amputee. When his grandmother passed, his siblings took most of her possessions but they left behind an old Navajo blanket. One day, Loren saw that a Navajo blanket was sold for $500k on an auction while watching TV. He wondered if he could get some money for his.
After being turned down by multiple dealers, he talked to an auction appraiser who told him he would get $200k. As word spread, the starting price at auction was $150k. It was topped by a $500k bid, then $1 million, and ended at $1.5 million. Loren’s life was changed forever because he finally understood the true value of something.
May we value God’s glory infinitely more than a blanket and live as though marriage is truly good.
Discussion Questions
Why this sharp decline? Don’t we have the most progressive view of marriage we’ve ever had as culture? Don’t we have the most freedom to marry whoever we want? I believe the reason we despise marriage is because we do not understand its goodness. God is the one who gave us marriage, and so his teachings about it are what defines it.
For the past 75 years, we have witnessed the emptiness of a perspective that can only explain marriage from nature. If our society is made up of matter and social constructs, then this is what we get. However, we know that marriage is good, not because it’s conducive to human evolution, but because God says it is. So, we must recognize that God deserves our attention because:
God blesses man through marriage.
I have good news for every man in here: Based on what we understand of human genetics, Adam as the first man and our first ancestor, was the ideal human being physically. He had the most pure genes (not talking about Levi’s) of any man ever. And even Adam spent some time with unwanted singleness.
Seriously though, God wants to teach us about marriage by showing us Adam’s life before marriage. He says that it is was not good. Good is one of those words that has a really broad range of meanings. When God says that it is not "good," he is talking about good in the same sense as when we say, "It is good to see you." This is right. This what we need. This is beneficial to us.
The reason it is important we understand how and why marriage is good is because understanding this helps us understand its purpose.
How was marriage better for Adam? Was it because it made him happy? Was it because it made him complete? Was it because he became emotionally or sexually fulfilled? If you had to answer why it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone, what would you say? Here is the Bible's answer in context: I will make him a helper fit for him.
He needs someone that helps him. Not to be the best version of himself. Not to fulfill his dreams or accomplish everything he wants to. To do what God told him to do. To bring God’s order to the whole world by tending the garden and filling the earth with their descendants.
So what would make your marriage, hypothetical or not, a good marriage? If it helps you to be the person God has created and saved you to be and to do the things he has created and saved you to do. This is what we mean when we say, marriage is a blessing. It is good to help us be who God made us to be and to do what God made us to do. Because marriage is a blessing, we should act accordingly:
Anyone who desires the blessing of marriage should pursue it.
Now, notice that this point could apply to anyone who wants this kind of marriage that God has given us regardless of whether they are married right now or not.
To my friends who are married and love their spouses, but do not have a happy marriage in the way they want right now: Because Jesus died on the cross and rose again, even though you may not deserve it, God can help you have a good marriage. One that brings glory to him in personal christlikness, serving God together, and a godly marital relationship.
To my single friends who may want to be married: God has given us longings for marital intimacy. These are good things. For right now, God has given you a special burden. Do not give up. Thrive in the place in which God has placed you. Don’t waste singleness. When we understand why and how marriage is good, there is no shame in desiring a good marriage.
I want to present two points of application from this conclusion we have made. First, to married people:
- Husbands are to be the head of their home. Men are to lead the household but their leadership is to be one of responsibility. They are also commanded to love their wives and be understanding toward them.
- Wives are to submit to their husbands and love their families by taking a special nurturing role in the home.
These kinds of biblical principles are not popular, but that’s not because they’re weird. If the Bible is true, feminism and passive husbands are weird. Disordered and dysfunctional homes are weird. These things are true, good, and beautiful because God made marriage and he made the world.
Romans 12:1–2 tells us: "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
A blessed marriage is not (normally) a white-knuckled, grit your teeth and bare it, kind of enterprise. God gave us deep longings for marriage so that when those desires are fulfilled according to his design, it is all the sweeter.
Now to my friends who are single but want to be married. We live in such a strange and anxious time. I think, in part, we are anxious about marriage because we make too much and too little of it at the same time:
- Too much because we make it ultimate, rather than God being ultimate.
- Too little because we make it about us, and therefore, small in scale, purpose, and significance.
But, friends, if getting married is not just a matter of getting what we want, but of fulfilling God’s design and callings, then marriage is worth pursuing. Prioritize biblical signs of Christian maturity:
- Look for someone who is committed to their church and in ministry.
- Men, find someone who can help with the callings God has given you.
- Ladies, look for a man who is intentionally pursuing godly endeavors which you could support.
- Find someone you enjoy being with and are attracted to, but work through expectations corrupted by the world.
To conclude, I want to look at one more passage to understand the nature of marriage: Ephesians 5:31–32 says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
Marriage becomes glorious as we follow God’s Pattern.
The goodness of marriage, as we follow God’s design, points us to the goodness of the union of Christ and the church. Your marriage can be glorious because the husband can be the loving, sacrificial head of the wife like Jesus is for the church. Marriage is not just an earthly, human relationship.
Today is Mother’s Day. Why are homes so dysfunctional? Why are divorce rates through the roof? Why does it seem as though our society is so chaotic? Because people do not understand the goodness of marriage only makes sense as a good gift from a good God.
Conclusion
Loren Krytzer was a former carpenter and struggling amputee. When his grandmother passed, his siblings took most of her possessions but they left behind an old Navajo blanket. One day, Loren saw that a Navajo blanket was sold for $500k on an auction while watching TV. He wondered if he could get some money for his.
After being turned down by multiple dealers, he talked to an auction appraiser who told him he would get $200k. As word spread, the starting price at auction was $150k. It was topped by a $500k bid, then $1 million, and ended at $1.5 million. Loren’s life was changed forever because he finally understood the true value of something.
May we value God’s glory infinitely more than a blanket and live as though marriage is truly good.
Discussion Questions
- The sermon ended with the story of a man who had no idea his old Navajo blanket was worth $1.5 million. What is something in your own life—whether it was an old object, a piece of advice, or a relationship—that you completely underestimated the value of at first?
- What are the alternative perspectives on the goodness of marriage of the world and the flesh?
- How could these be so deceptive for you?
- God gave Adam a "helper" not so Adam could fulfill his personal dreams, but so they could do what God called them to do. Describe the kind of person who works toward a marriage focused on God’s callings.
- What choices does this person make to cultivate this personal priority?
- How do we make “too much” of marriage? How about “too little” of it?
- What is the answer to both extremes?
- What are some practical steps we can take to gain confidence that biblical teachings on marriage roles are not weird but normal?
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